Alone (Sasori birthday oneshot)
by AlwaysInfinity
Summary: What was the name of that one day, the day that was mine and mine alone? Whatever happened to it? But that's not important anymore. After all, I removed those past memories when I became a puppet. Those days should be forgotten. So why do I feel... like something's wrong... (Format is fixed now )


**A/N: Format is fixed~**

November.

I looked up at the sky as the brown leaves fell off the trees and onto the ground. The end of autumn was coming closer with every dying leaf. Winter would arrive soon. The weather would get cold, and the blonde brat would complain about the temperature. It's the same thing over and over again, every November. Nothing really changes.

A particular red leaf floated down and landed in front of me. I stepped on it without a second thought. This was a cycle of its own; a leaf would land, I would crush it. There just seems to be many repetitive things during this time of year.

Wasn't there also something else like that? Something that revolved around; something that came back every passing fall?

Maybe there once was, but that doesn't matter anymore.

The leaves crunch under my feet as I walk down the stone path. We had to execute three men from Iwagakure, which happened to be Deidara's original village. During our short stay at the village, he seemed to be quite... pleased. Said something about the memories he harbored there, and even pointed a few places out to me. Really, it was pretty pathetic. There's no point in remembering your past when it's not part of who you are anymore.

That's right.

Those past memories... they're not mine anymore. They do not belong to me. I threw them out, along with the rest.

Still... what was that one word? That one revolving event? What was it called?

It was something special. Something that all beings had. Something that I once had.

_~Flashback~_

_I walked downstairs from my room, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Why did Mother wake me up so early today? She did say that she was going on a mission with Father soon, but she also told me that it was next week. What was the rush?_

_I looked out the window on the opposite wall. The wind was really strong today, wasn't it? I blinked. Out there, there was a single red leaf, trapped under some sand. I stared at the foreign object. We don't have any trees in Akasuna, so it must have been carried by the winds from another village. _

_It sure was pretty._

_"Sasori! Finally decided to join us, sleepyhead?" I turned around. Mother and Father and Granny Chiyo were all there, smiling._

_What was going on?_

_"Don't you know what day it is today, honey?" Father asked me.__  
><em>

_ "No, I don't," I replied warily. Their smiles grew bigger. Mother let out a small laugh.__  
><em>

_ "Silly, how could you forget? Today is-"_

"Sasori-no-Danna?" I broke out of my thoughts. Tch. They were useless anyway.

"Hn."

"We're already at the base, yeah."

"I can see that."

Deidara gave me a funny look. "You were about to walk right past it."

I ignored him as I continued walking. "Tell Leader that we're back from our mission."

"W-wait! Where are you going? Are you alright, my man?"

"What I am doing is none of your concern. Now do as your told." Deidara unsealed the barrier to the base and hurried inside. I headed... somewhere. It didn't matter where, as long as I was alone to do as I wish.

_ ~Flashback~__  
><em>

_ "Good morning, Granny Chiyo!" I called out excitedly as I ran downstairs. "You didn't forget what day it is today, did you?"__  
><em>

_ Granny Chiyo smiled, but there was something off about it. "Of course not, my dear."__  
><em>

_ I looked around. "Didn't you say that Mother and Father would be back today? You know, in time for today?" Her smile faltered as she slowly sat down on a chair.__  
><em>

_ "Granny Chiyo...?"__  
><em>

_ "I'm sorry, Sasori... but your parents... during their mission, they..." I listened silently as Granny Chiyo explained the situation. I felt something wet roll down my face as Granny embraced me in a hug.__  
><em>

_ This wasn't fair.__  
><em>

_ After all, this was my special day, wasn't it?__  
><em>

_ Why did this have to happen, _today_ out of all days?_

_ I looked out the window, just like this day a year ago. However, this time there was no unusual wind; no red leaf. It was the same day, yet the feelings I had a year ago were completely different from the feelings I had now.__  
><em>

_ How could such a day turn out like this?_

I blinked. Somehow I had ended up at a lake. Not that it really mattered where I ended up.

I looked into my reflection. This one day... it brought happiness at one point, and sadness at another. Gradually, I had learned not to let this day affect me. After all, I was no longer human. This day didn't affect me anymore. There was no reason for this date.

Cold eyes looked back at me from the lake. Cold, emotionless, brown eyes.

Brown, like the colour of dying leaves.

Well, I was practically half-dead, anyways. Incomplete, to be exact. Neither dead or alive.

That's how it is, now. That's how it's been for fifteen years now.

Fifteen cycles.

Fifteen withering falls.

But what was that day called? Beginning-something? When was this day, exactly? What is it? What is the significance of this date? Why is it so important that it caused me to recall my past memories?

Something about the beginning of something? The day that something begun. What's so important about that? Everything begins at one point. Everything is introduced to the world, and later on they are released from this world.

Well, not everything disappears.

I - in this form - will never disappear from this world. I am eternal.

I am art.

And I'll live on, in these endless cycles.

Alone.

But I'm fine with that.

I mean, I've been doing it for fifteen years, so I should be fine with it.

Right...?

…

It's today, isn't it.

This "special day" of mine.

I don't see anything quite special about it. My day will continue as per usual. I'll go back to the base, Deidara will be there and he'll rant about something that I have no interest in, and then Leader will assign a new mission for us. That's how it always turns out.

My special day is just a normal day.

Somehow, this thought is... depressing.

Back then, at least my family acknowledged me specially.

Will no one come to me today? Tell me to wake up, tell me to eat, tell me to smile because it was my day?

What am I saying, of course no one will. And why should I care? These thoughts are trivial to me now. I abandoned these emotions when I became eternal. I am in a better state now then I was then.

…

The wind blew harshly, slapping my face with force. I didn't feel anything, however. I couldn't feel anything.

So what was this feeling I had right now?

I looked into the lake once more, and saw my reflection. Only my reflection. Nothing else was around me; no one else was with me.

I was truly alone now, wasn't I.

Why did that sound like such a bad thing? It never affected me before.

Droplets of water splashed against the reflection. It must have been raining.

My stomach ached with a disturbing feeling. I should oil my coils soon.

My hands started shaking. I should repair them; it's been a while since I did.

I felt cold. Well, that must be because... because...

Because, for once, I didn't want to be alone.

_Birthday. _That's what it was called. The day of which you were born.

Funny, my birthday happened to be my parent's death-date. I laughed humourlessly to myself. Ha, ha, ha.

I looked up at the sky. That's interesting, it wasn't raining after all. I supposed I should head back to the base. Heaven knows what kind of trouble the brat got into during the time I was gone.

As I neared the base, I could see Deidara waiting outside the entrance. He walked up to me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Leader-sama gave us another mission, yeah," he said. "But it's not until next week. So we're free for the time being." I nodded and unsealed the barrier. I was about to step inside when the brat stopped me.

"Hey, my man. Are you alright today?" He's annoyingly concerned today, isn't he.

"Why does it matter to you? Besides, there's nothing bothering me. I don't have the capability to feel emotions, remember?" I reply as I walk into the base. Deidara stops me once more. Why is he so persistent?

"You have a core, don't you? That means you're still human to an extent, yeah." Me? Still human? Tch.

"Don't be stupid, brat. I left all my humanity behind when I turned myself into art."

"You're still incomplete, yeah."

"I'm much more complete than you'll ever be," I said as I walked away. This conversation was taking up too much of my time.

"What's so great about being eternal, anyways? You'll just be alone, and what's art without people to show it to?" he called out behind me. I froze in my tracks, a stabbing feeling occupying my core. Why was this? I thought I'd already established this fact.

I heard Deidara smirk behind me. "Guess being eternal isn't really what it makes up to be, hmm?"

That was it.

I took out my steel cord and wrapped it around him, bringing the poisoned edge of the coil close to his neck. He gulped as I slowly walked up towards him.

"Listen, brat. Don't you ever insult my art again, or I won't hesitate to kill you. Understand?" He nodded, or at least tried to. I only got mad because he insulted my art. Not because of anything else. Not because of what he said before.

My core throbbed. So much that it actually beginning to hurt.

Wait, since when did I feel pain?

None of this is making any sense now, is it.

Oh well, I can deal with it. It's not like anyone else is going to.

_Drip._

Huh? Was there a leak in the base? Must be the moisture inside the cave.

_Drip._

Why was it getting so hard to see? I should probably switch my head to a newer one. So many things to fix today.

_Drip._

I looked at Deidara. His eyes were wide. Did I block off his air? Serves him right. After a few more seconds, I let him go and walked away. "Know your place, brat."

"Sasori-"

"Shut up." I gritted my teeth hard as my vision blurred even more. With annoyances like this, who'd _not _want to be alone?

...Right?

I walked into my section of the base. It was relatively clean, aside from some wood shavings on the ground. I sat down and started to fix my arm. Huh, that's interesting; there doesn't seem to be any problems with it. It was the same thing with almost my entire body - except for the fact that odd liquids were dripping down my face. But that didn't really seem like a major concern at the time.

The major concern was the thing in the middle of my chest.

My core.

'Why was it hurting?' I asked myself.

But I already knew the answer. I always had.

It was the feeling I got when my parents didn't come back.

It was the feeling I got when I was told they were dead.

It was the feeling I got when I realized I'd really, truly be alone for the rest of my eternity.

It was loneliness.

And I was affected by it. I, Sasori of the Red Sand - the one who turned himself into a puppet - was affected by such petty emotions like loneliness. How stupid.

_"What's so great about being eternal, anyways? You'll just be alone."_

Very stupid.

_"You'll just be alone."_

Utterly stupid.

_"alone"..._

Alone, huh.

I got up from where I was sitting and grabbed a certain vial. I noticed that my hands were shaking.

_Drip, drip, drip. _So it wasn't rain, after all.

I slowly walked over to the closet and opened it. There they were... my Mother and Father puppets.

My vision blurred for a second as I caressed one of their faces with my hand. I couldn't feel anything.

Even if I wanted to.

_Splash. Drip, drip. Drip._

The stabbing sensation returned to my core. Although it hurt, it felt as if it belonged there. As if it should be occurring, just like the water that was coming out in rivers from my face. From my eyes, to be exact. Is this why my vision wasn't clear? I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. No matter how hard I wiped the liquid away, it just kept on coming back. How inconvenient.

I gently took out the puppets and set them down. I attached my charka strings to them, and made them embrace me. Just like I did countless times before.

My hands were still trembling as I twisted the lid of the vial, still controlling my puppets while I did this. It opened with a small pop. I positioned the vial right above my core.

I didn't want to be alone anymore.

It hurt to be alone.

There was no point in being eternal if you were the only one left.

_A small droplet of green liquid fell from the bottle._

I wonder what it was like to have a normal life. One where there was peace. One with no deaths. One where eternity was a blessing, and not a curse.

_A slight sizzling sound was heard as the liquid came into contact with his core. He flinched in pain._

What was it that I wanted all this time?

Why did I make myself eternal?

For art, I said before. But where is the art in this?

_His hands shook violently as he dumped the vial's entire contents onto his core._

I don't want to be alone anymore.

I want someone to be with me.

Isn't that what I _truly _wanted, all this time?

_His charka strings broke with a violent snap. They fell to the ground, shattering into pieces._

I want someone to hold me again.

Someone to tell me that everything would be alright.

Someone to comfort me...

_He gasped loudly as the poison burned through his core entirely._

I want someone to come to me today.

_He fell to the ground with a thud._

Wake me up, early in the morning.

And bring me downstairs.

_He lost all sensation in his body. His vision turned black._

And tell me to smile. And say:

_With one last breath, he stammered out his final words._

"Happy Birthday, Sasori..."


End file.
